Manipulation

Over the years I have seen and read many letters and emails from various friends and families excusing their own behavior.  I might add, that I have written a few of these types of letters myself!  LOL  We all do it.

"I just wanted to let you know that I can't/won't do this or that because these people over here or there have done this or that and made me unable/unwilling to do this or that." 

Today while showering, all my best thoughts are in the shower, the word "manipulation" came to me concerning these type of correspondences.  When you really get to the meat of the matter, the writer hopes to excuse his or her own behavior, or point a finger at another person in the hopes of making the recipient of the letter look more favorably on them and less so on the subject of the derision.  Some people seem to be very good at this.   The whole idea of making yourself look good by making someone else look bad is a horrible way to go through life.  We might not realize it at first, and again, I firmly believe that we all have done this throughout our lives, but by participating in this kind of faulty logic we are only making ourselves look petty and mean. 

I know that the urge to get some kind of revenge is part of what drives us.  In some way, shape, or form, we want to strike out at someone....and these letters is how we do it.  I can tell you, from personal experience, that we are only impeding our own personal/spiritual growth.  We have thrown our own roadblock up in front of us.  We cannot improve ourselves while we are angry and vengeful towards someone else.  So what are we going to do?

I feel like I am rounding a corner in my personal development lately.  Very lately.  I think, at this point, I am ready to just step over the carnage of negative emotions and just walk on.  I cannot change the way someone else may feel about me, but I can change the way I feel about them and what they have said about me or those I love.  Suddenly I see that the thing to do is to choose the higher road, to quit living in the muck of sniping and name calling and to walk on.  I must say, it is a good feeling to know that I have a means of dealing with this.  I have Heidi's temper tantrums to thank for this freedom.

When Heidi was a toddler she used to throw the most dramatic temper tantrums.  She would throw herself on the floor and just wail and cry and sound like some kind of wild animal caught in an old fashioned steel trap.  Thank goodness she never threw these fits in public places!  No!  She had enough forethought to only bestow her beastly behaviors (manipulations) on those that loved her most....and only at home.  At first I used to try to cajole her into stopping her fit....to no avail.  Finally, I found that the only way to deal with her screams and anger was just to step over her and go on my way.  She would throw herself on the floor, kicking and screaming, and I would just step over her and continue with what I was doing.  It didn't take long for her to learn that I wasn't giving in and her behavior improved dramatically.  I always loved her...but I wasn't going to be manipulated anymore. 

I have decided to treat the rantings of those who are offended with me, or who feel that their manipulations will win them sympathy from others, like I treated Heidi.  I choose to ignore the bad behavior and step over them.  I have seen that feeding into a temper tantrum only prolongs it, and that ignoring it will end it.  I would hope that these manipulators will end their negative behavior and decide to deal with people in a more positive and loving manner.....but if they don't, then I can know that I will be less troubled by it.  Just step over them and move on.  Don't look back!  Just move on and they will eventually catch up later.  :)