I’m the Problem…

 

Doesn’t it always seem that way?  I have been looking at our homeschooling routine and noting weaknesses and flaws in execution.  Unfortunately, it isn’t the kids that are lacking, but me.  We routinely accomplish the subjects that are necessary or core, such as Math, History, Literature, Latin, German, and Grammar.  Our My failing is in fitting in the fine arts and other things that should be being done.  Art Study, Composer Study, Nature Study, Folksongs, Hymns, and so on.  These subjects aren’t crucial to their education, but some would argue that they are crucial to who a person “is”.  The ability to participate in the finer things in life…..to appreciate the complexities of a symphony or the playful interactions of light and shadow in an oil painting isn’t necessary to survive, but it is to live.  So why do I find myself challenged to include them into our daily routine? 

 

I think the real challenge is that I don’t approach these subjects as a quantifiable necessity, but rather as a necessity that must come to each of us individually.  I can present a piece of artwork to the kids and have them look at them, but am I qualified to analyze that same piece from a technical point of view?  Should I even try?  As I ponder this dilemma I procrastinate even the presentation of the subject.  This is my failing.  What I should be doing is to present the subject, piece, topic, etc. and let the kids learn that to appreciate something doesn’t take a college degree.  You would think that my love of wildlife would motivate me.

Since a child I would sit and just be still, waiting for life to crawl, scamper, and ooze around me.  Playing in the creek and collecting Crawdads was a great pleasure of mine when I was six years old.  Lying on the picnic table in the woods and waiting for the Star-nosed Mole to make an appearance near the woodpile was heaven on earth…even if it took more then 20 minutes for him to feel safe and expose himself unknowingly.  Running after and catching a Garter Snake or Ring-necked Snake and feeling its cool scales slide through my hands was exquisite and will always put a smile on my face.  No one had to teach me to appreciate these cohabiters of my world, I didn’t have to learn their names and biostatistics to see that a snake moves quite different from a squirrel and perhaps it is the underlying structure that makes the difference.  I was a child, innocent and free, free to observe the world around me.  School didn’t teach me to love poetry, classrooms didn’t teach me to smile at the flight of a Bald Eagle over the city dump, textbooks didn’t make my heart and thoughts soar at the funny face of a Tiger Salamander found in the bushes near my Mother’s house.  Classical music….all music…is just as sweet without a study of the composer.  I hum and sing everyday….even if I was kicked out of the Choir. 

 

Certainly education can help someone appreciate these subjects, but perhaps the love and respect for these “lesser” subjects comes from something else.  I am beginning to think that these subjects are more difficult for me to “teach” because I don’t want to “teach” the love out of them.  These subjects, the very act of living and loving the world around us, cannot be taught….they must be lived.  Music, Art, Life, Literature, all should be lived….. experienced…… weighed and balanced in our own thoughts….accepted or rejected.  I have a hard time scheduling these subjects because they are much more important then the Math or the Grammar that comes from textbooks.  Those subjects are important in their own way…they are the tools, the  skills, that let us appreciate the other subjects.  …but, to me, they are only tools….. the important subject is the observation of the life around us.  The appreciation of that life, and not the over analysis of it. 

I think I just need to change my perspective. 

The Internet and Perception

As we go through our daily routine it is very easy to succumb to the idea that the whole freaking world is going nuts!!!   EVERYONE IS SO DAMN WEIRD!!!  The criminals are getting scarier, the politicians are even MORE corrupt (is that possible?), family values have hit the septic tank and wallowing in the muck, everyday people on neighborhood social forums are frighteningly bizarre!  Even family member's rantings can enrage and/or disgust us!  What the hell is happening to the world?!!!


I think things have become more abnormal than normal....at least it seems that way.  I think with the moment by moment onslaught of information that modern man avails themselves of.... we find that the world is a scary place to live.  And I do think that society has generally taken a major nosedive into that primordial ooze that we allegedly crawled out of tens of thousands of years ago....BUT, I also think that because of the ease of disseminating information these days we are being made more cognizant of activities and behaviors that we would have been sheltered from years ago.  In the days before the Internet it would take days for information to travel around the world, now it takes seconds.  With the Internet ANYBODY can post information, anonymously give opinions, and put themselves out into the public eye professing to be an expert.


It has come to my thought lately that having instant access to the latest crazy rantings of every Tom, Dick, and Harry, might NOT be a good thing.  The more I read on the Internet, the more I like staying away from the Internet.  Particularly during an election year.  I know there is good information out there in the World Wide Web....but it can be hard to find.  The one thing that I know for sure is that Ethics, Valor, Courage, Honesty, etc. are much easier found in the lives of REAL PEOPLE - LIVING REAL LIVES than in anything you can find on the Internet.

Just my two cents worth..........

Memories….

I remember sitting with Mom while she and I watched Jack La Lanne’s exercise program.  Everyone else would be in school and she and I would sit down to a bowl of ice cream and watch.

I remember planting Marigolds with Mom in the backyard in King of Prussia in the Spring.  I then remember puling the dried seed heads of those same flowers and saving them for the next year. 

I remember playing with our neighbor, Mark Reinhardt, while Mom and Mrs. Reinhardt talked.  I learned much later that what they were drinking out of their little dixie cups was a bit more potent then the Kool-Aid that Marky and I had. 

I remember all the picnics that we would go on….. Valley Forge Park, Washington’s Crossing, some damn dam, and many other places.  Those days are always bright and sunny and happy in my mind.

I remember Mom making dozens and dozens of cookies at Christmas time.  From Halloween to New Year’s Day our house was constantly enveloped in a swath of good smells and Mom’s laughter. 

I remember sneaking out of bed at night when the older boys and Mom would stay up and watch late night TV.  I would “hide” under or behind a tall backed upholstered chair….she would sneak me treats and then pretend that I wasn’t there.

I remember how she used to take such care in how the Christmas Tree was decorated.  She wanted it to be a “fairy wonderland”……she would lie on the floor under the tree and look up into it and have me do the same….and we would look up into the branches at the twinkling lights and the shimmery angel hair.  It was magical…….. because of her.

I remember our home was neat and tidy….decorated with Colonial Americana pictures and fabrics.  Her love of this country was evident in many ways. We would go to the Military band concerts at Valley Forge Park….how could you not love your country?

I remember Mom’s stories…..oh her stories of growing up were awesome!  What a treasure to have been blessed with!  The oral history that each one of us holds is more priceless then anything we could keep in a bank or spend at the store.  I may not have much money to ever have my kids inherit, but I will pass on to them the stories!  Those glorious stories of joy, sorrow, anger and forgiveness; they will become their inheritance. 

I remember Mom so well.  I miss her so much.  And now, a year after her passing I hold her close in my heart.  My memories of her are precious to me.  She was/is my demonstration of “Mom”…..  Mom was who I needed to be my Mom.  She is still my demonstration of Mom…. she is still mothering me, sharing with me, guiding me.  We are all together, I cannot be separated for one instant from anyone…..and now that Mom has shown me that, I am content. 

Random Thoughts…….

It has been almost a year since my Mom passed on.  It has been a very hard year….a year of many tears and some wonderful bonding with certain family members.  Thank you all, friends and family, for helping me through this rough time.  When I think about it, I never had a close relative die before.  How very shocking it was for the first close person in my life to pass on was the one person who I was the closest to.  It was very painful to say the least.  But we move on….life keeps going forward…..the days pass and slowly, but surely, you find a way to continue.  Ohhh….but I do miss that silly old woman sometimes. 

On to other things……….

 

A new movie has come out.  The Hunger Games, based on a book by the same name, is causing quite a stir.  I, for one, will not see it nor read the book.  I don’t see the need in reading about a society that has sunk to the point of killing its children off for sport.  Some people say there is something to be learned by reading and watching this story….I don’t know what.  I guess as I have become older I have also grown weaker.  I no longer have the fortitude to watch or hear about people being hurt.  I do not find entertainment in any kind of killing.  I suppose it is necessary at times, but I do not want to find myself watching it for “fun”.  No.  We will not see the movie nor read the book.  Surely there are better things to do. 

On a lighter note………

Our first ever seedlings are sprouting!  I couldn’t be more proud!  Heidi planted our 5 Broccoli, 5 Cauliflower, 5 Cabbage, and 5 Brussels Sprouts and they are now growing in our mini-greenhouse!  In about 6 weeks we will transplant the survivors out into our raised beds.  By that time we should have quite a few other veggies started and will be well on our way to having a real garden!  I can’t wait for real vegetables on our table again. 

 

Finally,

I wish to thank all of you that actually stop by and read my wandering thoughts.  It is very humbling to have complete strangers as well as beloved friends and family members take the time to read what I write.  I know that often my opinions can sometimes differ greatly from other people’s and I’m sure that I have made one or two of my readers raise an eyebrow or roll their eyes…..but this is who I am.  Like most people, I have lived through a lot in my 50 years…..and know that I have so much more to experience……I have grown very tender hearted, and at the same time, rather bitter.  Hopefully, as I write more I can catch that bitterness and undo it.  It is unproductive and eats you up……and I don’t want to be a bitter old lady who finds, when her own race is run….that no one misses her.  While I would never wish the loss and loneliness that I have felt this past year on my children and spouse…I do wish that they look back on their time with me and laugh, and love all our memories we share.  May those that I leave behind never associate meanness with my name.  May they always remember me the same way that I remember my Mom.  A noble woman who loved a good joke and high adventure. 

Thursday School

This is the time of year when our days all kind of bleed into one another.  It is too yucky to go outside, although it is warmer than usual for a Minnesota winter.  We are too broke to have a second car up and running at this point and even if we could afford to repair it, we couldn’t afford the gas for it.  So our days are spent doing school.  Horrible, I know!!! 



Thankfully, we don’t start until 10:00 a.m.   Our first activity is to read some poetry, currently John Greenleaf Whittier, and a chapter or two from On the Shores of Silver Lake by Laura Ingalls Wilder while sitting on the couch.  After those readings are done we then tromp down to the schoolroom in the basement. 



Our first subject is Latin.  The girls have had an introductory Latin course, but it was laid aside when we moved to Minnesota.  Eli is fairly new to all of this and I can tell by his expression, he is rather confused.  LOL  I keep telling him to just stick with it and it will all make sense to him eventually.  We have just started with this Latin curriculum and so far it is going well.  Once Latin is over, we move on to Math.



Math has been a struggle for Gretchen and Eli.  Heidi seems to come by her Math very easily and is consistently in the 90’s on her tests and daily work.  Not so much for the other two, but I would say they are solid “B” students.  Today wasn’t a good math day for Eli…..fractions are kicking his butt!  He’ll get it, attention to detail is his greatest challenge. 



Gretchen takes the longest to do her math……she has a problem with daydreaming sometimes.  When she can stay focused, however, she can rock math and score in the high 80’s to low 90’s.  Either way, she is averaging a “B” in Saxon Math 8/7 so I won’t complain. 



When Latin and Math are done and the papers are graded they take a break and then start working on their History reading and their Literature selections.  They will read an assigned chapter or section of their books and then narrate back to me what they have read.  I have noticed that their narrations are getting more and more detailed and the kids actually seem to enjoy the process and remember the subject matter a lot better. 



Scattered through the week they will be asked to locate various places on the maps throughout the house.  These could be places they are reading about in History or places that are discussed in their Literature or Geography books.  Currently Eli is reading about Marco Polo and he has traced the route that Marco took when travelling out to China and then back again.  Eli has also pinpointed where Leonardo Da Vinci was born and where her lived.  The girls have done likewise with their History and Literature topics. 

Grammar is also covered a few times a week, as is Health for the girls.  Eli is still working on his penmanship because cursive writing eludes him.  Practice makes perfect.  Science is covered with informal experiments and reading of various books covering Inventions, Geology, and everyday science.  We also utilize the area parks and green spaces for Nature Walks led by me, their own private Nature Fanatic!  They have no idea how lucky they are!  LOL 



Overall, our days are full and enjoyable……but at this point, I think we are all feeling a little bit of cabin fever and can’t wait for the snow to melt and our school to be interrupted by countless discoveries in the backyard and beyond.  It’s so nice when we can take a blanket outside and do some of our reading lying out in the sun.  Hopefully those days are only a month or so away. 

Three Years……

Today is February 27th.  Three years ago, on this date, we were driving from the St. Louis area to our next stopover just north of Omaha, Nebraska.  We were on the second leg of our three day jaunt from Paulding county, Georgia to Moorhead, Minnesota.  We had had a very interesting journey up to that point.  I’ll tell you all about it……

Because of a year of being unemployed and finally obtaining a promising job offer in Moorhead, MN, we packed up everything and started the long trek from GA to MN.  I had lived in GA ….. or been associated with GA….. for over 30 years!  I was excited about leaving but very sad to be leaving everything…… everybody…….. it was a tough decision and we knew it was the right thing to do.  So we started packing. 

We rented the largest Uhaul truck that we could get, rented a trailer to tow our old pick-up truck on and made all necessary repairs to our van.  On that morning (the 25th I think) we left later then we had planned.  The dogs, secure in their crates in the back of the van, whined incessantly for hours, having never traveled before.  Mark led the way with the moving truck and I followed with the van.  Our first stop was to be Alton, IL.  

A couple hours away from Alton we ran into a very severe thunder and lightening storm.  I hate driving at night…..and driving in a torrential downpour with intense lightening was hell.  As we cruised along the interstate Mark pulled the moving truck over and I followed him to the side of the road.  He had a flat.  Late at night, in a storm, on a Uhaul truck!  What were the odds that we would get helped soon?  Actually, pretty good!  LOL  Mark called the Customer Service number……we were right at an exit on the highway so he pulled off and limped the truck to a gas station.  Very quickly we were met by a wonderful couple who quickly repaired the tire and we were ready to go.  How awesome! 

Our joy was short-lived, though.  Heidi, who was about 9 years old, loved riding in the truck with Mark and was running back to where I sat in the van to tell me something.  As she opened the door to speak to me, a gust of wind must have caught the door and slammed it on her thumb.  I remember looking at her sweet little face as it scrunched up in pain and she immediately became very wet with tears and drool (she’s a very juicy girl).  When Heidi is in pain she doesn’t scream out, but her face shows every bit of anguish, it is heart wrenching!   Mark was talking to me through the driver’s door and didn’t know what was going on.  Within seconds I was frantically trying to remove my seatbelt and reach over to open the passenger door to release Heidi’s hand.  I couldn’t reach it!  I yelled at Mark to run around the car and open the door!!!  “Open the door!  Open the door!”  Poor Mark was still clueless but he managed to get around the van and release Heidi’s hand.  The picture was rather graphic, but I plunged it into a glass of ice water we had there and she settled into the passenger’s seat to travel with me in the van instead of in the truck.  As we took off from that gas station to continue on our way, Heidi and I talked about the time when I was little and had my hand slammed in a car door.  She calmed down and eventually was able to think on other things.  The hand was forgotten. 

At 2 in the morning we pulled into Mark’s Aunt Janice’s house.  She was as loving and caring as a person could be to us.  What a gem she is!  We were shown our quarters…..a finished basement with room for all of us….even the dogs.  We were left to reconnect as a family unit and cuddle and pass out.  It was a wonderful night at a time when we needed that kind of warmth and caring.  In the morning we awoke to breakfast and wonderful company…. Uncle Gene and Aunt Janice.  It was so good for our hearts.  Soon we were on our way for another whole day of driving.  Our next stop was for a place north of Omaha.

We would have made good time getting to our next place except we got lost in Omaha.  Somehow we missed the turn off for Highway 29 North and kept driving around Omaha for over an hour, in a snowstorm, at night!  Oiy vey!!!  Have I told you how much I hate driving at night?  LOL  It was bad!  Finally, though, we got straightened out and found ourselves making our way out of Omaha and to the Best Western where we had reserved a room.  We arrived at the motel late in the night, but the caretakers were awesome and helpful.  The room we had was huge with three king sized beds for the five of us and two dogs.  Somehow I wound up with two kids in bed with me while Mark and Gretchen had their own beds.  LOL 

In the morning we found that the highway North was closed due to poor driving conditions.  We chatted with other folks staying at the motel and they enjoyed our Southern accent.  LOL  As we packed the vehicles in anticipation for our next part of the journey we noticed that now the U-Haul trailer had a flat tire!!  I took the kids and the dogs to the McDonald’s across the street for breakfast and Mark, once again, called Customer Service for U-Haul and told them our latest challenge.  Fortunately, another couple came out quickly and fixed the flat in quick order.  In about an hour’s time Mark joined us at McDonald’s for breakfast while the kids played in the playground.  About the time that we were ready to leave we heard that the highway was open and we could continue on our way. 

The final part of the journey was probably the nicest.  We traveled north, straddling Iowa and Nebraska, with bright sunshine and the excitement of snow on the ground.  More snow than the kids had ever seen before!  It was beautiful!  The hours wore on and finally we entered South Dakota…..fewer people and more snow.  Our travels were coming to an end and we were getting excited about what lay in store.

As night approached we entered North Dakota and found fewer and fewer places to stop for gas and potty breaks.  Soon Mark let me know that he need fuel for the truck, and soon.  There was NO PLACE TO STOP AND GAS UP!  We finally pulled off the interstate highway and followed a road that we hoped would lead us to a gas station.  We found the town, cute and quaint, but the gas station was closed.  We saw people coming out of the local school and asked a family that was walking home if they knew of the nearest place to get gas.  Imagine, Mark in the large U-Haul and me following in the van……following this couple as they walked up the street!  LOL  What a sight we must have looked like…..stuffed to the gills with our belongings and kids and dogs……. and desperate for gas! 

The young couple were wonderful!  They led us to their own house in town and poured the gas they had in a container into the truck and told us where to go for more gas.  Again….they were warm, and loving, and as nice as could be.  We never got their names and I can’t even remember the name of the town now…..but I hope they are very, very blessed with all the goodness in the world and beyond. 

Soon, we were on our way again.  Gassed up and ready to go!  Woohoo!  Very soon we were entering larger population areas in North Dakota…..and it wasn’t too long before Fargo, ND, was in our sights!  It was about 9:00pm and traffic was still somewhat heavy (for Fargo!  LOL).  When it came time for our turn off to take us into neighboring Moorhead, MN, Mark forgot to turn.  We had to loop around the interstate and try it again…..but we managed and were within a few miles of our new apartment home!  Then, quite unexpectedly, I watched as Mark pulled off the highway heading East and took a ramp that took him down the wrong way!  We had our cellphones and I called him and had to talk him back up onto the highway he should have stayed on and then on the correct ramp to take us to our apartment complex.  He arrived, with a worried little Eli, about 15 minutes later. 

We were “home”.  A new state…….. a new job……… many new challenges, but we were home!  That was three years ago.  Wow!  I think all of have come away with a great appreciation of what our ancestors have lived through in their lifetimes.  It isn’t easy, and sometimes it isn’t fun…..and once in awhile it is painfully lonely…….but I wouldn’t change one minute of our adventure.  My kids have seen how to meet challenges and come out on top.  We’re only here for a short time and that time shouldn’t be spent living in fear of what might happen.  When a challenge or an opportunity comes your way, think….pray….and step out.  Our journey isn’t about what you acquire, but how you live…..how you meet the challenges…..how you keep going forward…..at least most of the time.  LOL 

Really?

 

How should I live?  Am I supposed to subjugate my learned morals and ethics to gain popular appeal?  Because I can get a laugh out of saying something….does that mean that I SHOULD say it?  If every one of my friends encourage making fun of someone, does that mean that it is okay for me to do the same?  When and where do we stand up and defend our own sense of right?  Do we make that stand by derision of what we perceive to be wrong? 

In this year of political divisiveness sped along by the lightening speed of technology, insults and lies are hurtled through our lives like pollen in the Spring.  We “bear false witness” faster than ever before.  We drip venomous words about family, friends, neighbors and politicians in the hopes of making ourselves popular with others who we think feel the same way.  I am not innocent of this crime.  We have become a world of fast talkers and slow  thinkers.  We are bullies.  (yes!  me too!)

 

There comes a point, though, when we should reexamine our motives and actions.  Why do we so quickly jump on the bandwagon of belittling?  Do we think that it will make us more popular, better accepted by our friends and family?  I have thought so at times.  I became drunk with the power of words……. in a very bad way.  I  sold my soul for the taste of that sweet wine of popularity and being included into the “cool group”.  I have said some cruel things in my day. 

 

Some people would say that we have the freedom to say what we want, it is in our constitution.  Yes, in this country, freedom of speech is held very dear to our hearts.  But, just because you CAN say something doesn’t mean you SHOULD say something.  This isn’t about taking away or suppressing our rights to say what we feel is right or wrong……it is about being the best person we can and trying to “do no evil.”  Do the words that we speak in anger or derision really have an impact on the person they target…..probably not.  Particularly when they are directed at a political leader.  Where the real impact comes is within our own thoughts.  By feeling that it is okay to insult and taunt someone, you are accepting that into your life.  You will find yourself the subject of someone else’s opinion…..it isn’t pretty, trust me! 

 

We all have some kind of code of right and wrong that we profess to live by.  The bottom line is that we should LIVE BY IT!  That code isn’t something that we just drag out and wave at others…….it is meant to be a guideline for US!  For each of us to interpret individually and act upon.  We may still find that we run across someone who is a bully…..but we know that we don’t have to stoop to their level.  When you see their barbed words fly, shake your head and move on.  If you feel that you must say something then examine, for just a minute, WHY.  Perhaps the motive behind the words of insults needs to be held up against what we hold as our guide to life. 

 

As I have said, I’ve been there.  The poisoned barbed arrows have flown from me many times………and I regret it.  Now I am at a point in my life where I see how stupid and misguided I can be and I want to change that.  I still don’t like what I see spewed forth in the media and on social forums, but I am learning to bite my tongue and not jump on the Bully Train.  If someone or something is really offensive to me then I stay away from them…..or at least I am trying to.  My poor tongue has been bitten nearly in two many times.  LOL 

 

"Stand porter at the door of thought. Admitting only such conclusions as you wish realized in bodily results, you will control yourself harmoniously."  (Mary Baker Eddy)  What are you inviting into your thought?  Is that really what you want to see played out in your life?  Do those words that you are about to say, that video that shows someone in an unflattering light, make you a better person?  Will the world be a better place for the words that you are about to let fly………. try to think about what you are about to say.  …..and why you feel you need to say them.